Scar Tissue
by loserbat
Summary: Scars run much deeper than what we see on the skin... (This is the same story, but with a couple of changes. If you already read it before, then just read Part 1, where I actually added something.)
1. Fi

Author's Note: Hello. Me again, unfortunately enough for all of you. This is the same old story, I just fixed up some stuff. In this chapter there's a part that wasn't there before; in chapter 2, there are only very minor changes. If you've already read it before, you may not have to read it all again. Just this chapter. Pretty please. I'm out. Enjoy if you can. Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Zip. Zero. Nada. Just the plot. The actually important things (characters) belong to Disney and somebody else I'm currently unable to remember. **** **Scar Tissue ** Intro 

Every scar has a story. They represent past times; they're lasting memories of something that happened or the way things used to be. Memories of good times and of bad. But scars aren't always visible. Because they aren't always physical, marking not our bodies, but our minds. But some scars can do both, etched into our skin and burned into our mind. 

Part 1 

It was a beautiful spring day. The sun shone brightly, warming both the air and the clear water of the lake. Fiona sat on the blanket they'd laid out, looking out at the other 4 teenagers playing around and tossing each other in the lake. She smiled at how happy they all were now, including herself. A lot had happened since she'd come back on tour 1 1/2 year ago, after spending only 6 months away. So much had changed in all of them, but their friendship had remained the same, maybe even become stronger than it used to be. 

She smiled once again as Carey tackled Clu, pushing him down into the cold water. The two brothers seemed happy in each other's company, and Fi was relieved that they were acting like their normal selves again. She had been afraid that she had come between them in so many ways. She'd thought that Clu would never forgive Carey for what had happened, but thankfully he'd been able to after a while. 

Fi lay down on the blanket, pulling her portable CD out of her bag. She stretched her legs carefully, groaning a little from the discomfort she still felt in her knee. A year of rehab had helped her regain movement in her legs, but the slight discomfort remained as a lasting reminder of the accident. She closed her eyes and became completely immersed in the music pouring out of the CD player, losing touch with all of her surroundings. 

Cold drops of water falling on her stomach brought her back to the real world. She squealed and sat up as a pair of strong but cold and wet pair of arms wrapped around her waist. She shivered at his touch, squirming to get the cold away. 

"Carey! That's really cold you big goof!" she scolded him playfully. She turned in his arms and found him smirking. 

"Yeah, I know, but it was fun. You seemed too dry anyway," he explained, trying not to laugh. 

"You know I hate cold water!" 

"That's why I did it," Carey answered, his grin getting wider. 

"You're a lost cause" Fi sighed. He just cracked up, pulling her closer to him. She leaned back, laying her head on his chest. Yeah, he was still cold and wet, but it was refreshing. She stretched her legs out again, groaning a little bit, hoping he wouldn't hear. She hated reminding him of the accident, knowing he still felt guilty about what happened. Unfortunately, Carey did hear her groan. 

"Your knee hurts again?" he asked, sounding really concerned. 

"Just a little. Nothing to worry about" she reassured him with a warm smile. He didn't believe her, but knew it was hopeless to continue the argument. Instead, he reached out his hand, setting it on her knee. He gently ran his fingers over the scars on her knee and lower leg. Those little ridges symbolized so much. Those ridges had changed all their lives forever. He felt tears well up in his eyes. 

"Carey…" she trailed off, turning her head to face him. A tear rolled down his cheek and she reached up to brush it away. "Don't do this to yourself. It already happened a long time ago, stop bringing the memories back." But she knew he couldn't. He kept caressing the scars on her leg with one hand, as his other hand moved to the scars on her abdomen. The memories came back, as vividly as if it had just happened. 

~~~ [Flashback begins] ~~~ 

"Come on guys hurry up! We're gonna be late!" Fi cried, almost jumping up and down with excitement and impatience. 

"Chill Fi. We're not late yet" Clu said as he and Jack walked out of their room. 

"Yeah, we've still got time" Annie chimed in as she walked out of the room she shared with Fi, still brushing her long blonde hair. 

"Not much time" Fi was getting annoyed. "Where's Carey?" 

"Still in our room." Clu said, somewhat bitter at the mention of his brother. 

Fi stomped off in the direction of the boys' room. She knocked on the door before walking in. She found Carey lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.*At least he's dressed*. "Carey…" she started softly, "Come on, let's go. We're late." 

"I don't think I should go" he said, acknowledging her presence. 

"Carey, we agreed to go to this party. We haven't gone out in a long time. You've hardly left the bus in days. It'll be a nice change. Please come. For me?" she said, adding a pout for emphasis. She took hold of his arm, pulling him up. He agreed with a sigh, putting an arm around her shoulder as she led him out of the room. *It can't be that bad. Might actually be fun* he thought. 

"Can we go now?" Fi said as she walked through the common room and out the door. The others just nodded and followed her to the car (A/N: yeah, they have a car there). 

The ride to the party was uneventful. The party itself was fun, but a little out of control. The music was loud and there were kids everywhere. They got into the mood quickly and did the whole socializing thing. Jack spent most of his time with a girl he met there, Corynn. They really seemed to hit it off. What the gang didn't realize was that most of the drinks were spiked, (though it was hard to tell) so they drank more than they should have. 

By the end of the night Jack was kinda drunk and barely awake. Annie and Clu had their arms around each other and were both basically sleepwalking. Carey and Fi were the only ones who could still keep their eyes open. Carey had had one drink; Fi hadn't had any at all, but couldn't drive anyway because still didn't have her driver's license (or permit or whatever). (A/N: I know it's illegal for then to be drinking, even though where I come from Carey and Clu are of legal age (18)… but remember, they can't tell that the drinks are spiked until after they start feeling drunk) That left Carey as the designated driver. *There was definitely something in that Coke. But I'm fine. Not drunk at all, right?* They all walked out to the car and got on. Jack instantly fell asleep leaning against the door, while Clu and Annie fell asleep leaning against each other. Fi slipped into the passenger seat as Carey got into the driver's side. He bent forward over the wheel, holding his head in his hands, as he suddenly felt dizzy. 

"Carey… are you ok?" Fi asked, concerned for her boyfriend. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all," He answered and straightened up. 

"You sure? You look… hot," she said, still worried. He had been coughing and sneezing lately… maybe he had a cold. 

"Thanks" he said teasingly, a smirk crossing his face. 

"That's not what I meant. I meant you look like you have a fever, like you might be coming down with something." She answered returning the smile. 

"Maybe, but I'm fine now." Carey responded, a little annoyed that she was so worried about nothing. He turned on the car and they started heading home. 

Fi still looked uncertain, but decided to keep her mouth shut. He looked sort of exasperated, and bringing it up again would only make things worse. He'd been acting strange for a while, since a couple of weeks after they started going out. 

Suddenly, Carey felt dizzy again and started coughing. He hoped Fi didn't notice, he was getting tired of her fussing over him all the time. Unfortunately for him, she did notice. "Carey are you sure you're ok?" she asked once more. 

"I'm fine," he said in between coughs, "Stop worrying… Please" 

"You're not fine and you know it." She leaned over and out her hand on his forehead. "Carey you're got a fever!" 

"I'll be fine once we get home" he said a little angrily. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because he was getting sick, but Fi's attitude was seriously annoying him. 

"Carey… come on. What's wrong? You haven't been yourself for weeks." 

"Nothing's wrong." Carey said. "Can you just be quiet for a while?" 

"No, I can't. I'm worried about you. You've always been able to tell me your problems" 

"Fine, you wanna know? Things have just been stressful ever since we started going out. It hasn't been the easiest few weeks. My brother won't speak to me, there are problems with the band, everybody expects too much from me now, and I'm completely exhausted most of the time. And to top it all off, you've been acting… well, obsessive. You worry too much Fi. And that's seriously annoying." 

"Oh so this is my fault?" 

"In part, yes" Carey answered, already angry. 

"Oh so you're saying that if we weren't together you wouldn't be stressed out and you wouldn't have gotten sick?" Fi said. *I can't believe he's acting like this!* 

"That's not what I…." Carey started before Fi cut him off. 

"Shut up! If I'm stressing you out, maybe we shouldn't be going out." 

"That's not what I meant!" he was really irritated with Fi now. He braked a little too suddenly at an intersection, probably triggered by the alcohol. Fi kept reaming him out, taking advantage of the fact that they weren't moving. 

"It sure sounds like you meant that!" Fi said, almost screaming. Somehow the others in the back hadn't been woken up by all the noise. "I'm outta here!" 

"You're not going anywhere! I'll get you home, and then you can be away from me all you want" he pulled at her arm as she went to open the door. She climbed out of the car, standing against the door. Neither of them noticed a car swerving wildly in their direction, heading straight for the passenger's side. By the time Carey tried to react, it was too late. He was too sluggish to respond quickly. The car hit Fi head on, with a force that drove their car off the road and onto the sidewalk. Fi screamed in pain as she felt the impact. 

"FI!!!!" Carey shouted, before the world suddenly reeled and went dark… 

[Hospital, a few of hours later] 

Molly, Ned, Irene, Clu, Jack, and Annie were all sitting around the hospital Waiting Room, their faces painted in worry, their eyes shining with fear. 

"How's Fi doing?" Carey asked his parents once again as he walked back into the room. He sat down and buried his face in his hands. *God this is all my fault*. 

"Still no word," Ned's voice sounded tired. 

*Why Fi?* Carey thought. *The rest of us are fine, yet she's in critical condition. It's all my fault.* He looked around at the others as he sat alone on a couch. They were all sitting in pairs, worrying together. Molly was crying in Jack's arms, as tears streaked his face too. Ned and Irene had each other, while Clu and Annie were also sobbing in each other's arms. And Carey, he was alone. The person who would have been sitting with him was the one in critical condition. The one that might not live through this. The other kids were hurt too, but none as badly as Fi. Jack, Annie, and Clu only had a few cuts and bruises; Carey had a sprained wrist, a couple of cracked ribs, and a concussion. But Fi was currently in the operating room, and they had heard nothing yet. *If she dies… I'll never forgive myself* 

"Are you the family of Fiona Phillips?" A doctor asked as he walked up to then. 

"Yes, I'm her mother. How is she?" Molly asked, frantic yet somewhat relieved. 

"Well, she's out of the operating room. She had a few broken ribs and one punctured her lung, but we fixed it already so it's no longer a problem. She also has a somewhat severe concussion. However, her legs received most of the impact, especially her knees. We did all we could to patch things up but depending on how she heals, she might or might not regain her ability to walk. She has also slipped into a coma." 

The doctor's words made Molly gasp. "Can we see her?" 

"Yes. She's in ICU" The doctor added and walked away. 

"Oh my God" Molly gasped as she collapsed back onto the seat for a moment. Carey just looked horrified at what the doctor had said. *I can't believe it. I caused this… I can't take this anymore.* He thought as he followed the others to Fi's room in ICU. 

[Bus, early the next morning] 

Carey lay on the couch in the common room, headphones covering his ears. It had been a few hours since they'd come back from the hospital, from seeing Fi. He felt even worse than before. Seeing her lying there, hooked up to all those machines had almost killed him. Her small frame looked so out of place on that hospital bed, and he could hardly bear to see her like that. He hadn't been allowed to see he for long, none of them had. They'd gone back to the bus silently, the silence hiding the despair in all their minds. 

Everybody else had managed to fall asleep, or at least get as close to sleep as possible. Carey couldn't. He kept thinking of Fi, unable to concentrate on anything else. So instead he turned to music, the only thing that gave him solace. Since he couldn't play his guitar, he'd settled for his CD player. He turned it on and found one of Fi's CDs in it. After listening for a little while, he heard the song. It emulated his feelings perfectly, it said what he himself couldn't express. So he zoned out and just listened, thankful for the brief escape from the world. 

_Hey  
If we can't find a way out of these problems  
Then maybe we don't need this  
Standing face to face  
Enemies at war we build defenses  
And secret hiding places  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
I might need you to say it's alright  
I might need you to make the first stand  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man  
  
Hey  
More than angry words I hate this silence  
It's getting so loud  
Well I want to scream  
But bitterness has silenced these emotions  
It's getting hard to breathe  
So tell me isn't happiness  
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?  
I'm willing to do anything  
To calm the storm in my heart  
I've never been the praying kind  
But lately I've been down upon my knees  
Not looking for a miracle  
Just a reason to believe  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
I might need you to say it's alright  
I might need you to make the first stand  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man  
  
Do you remember not long ago?  
When we used to live for the nighttime  
Cherish each moment  
Now we don't live we exist  
We just run through our lives  
So alone  
That's why you've got to hold me  
  
Hey  
If we can't find a way out of these problems  
Then maybe we don't need this  
Standing face to face  
Enemies at war we build defenses  
And secret hiding places  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
I might need you to say it's alright  
I might need you to make the first stand  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man _

~~~[End of Flashback]~~~ 

Tears were welling up in Carey's eyes as the memory faded away. Fi turned slightly and brushed them away. "Carey, don't think about it anymore. I'm ok. Everything worked out" Fi said softly. Carey only nodded, still not able to discard the guilt, not even after all the time that had passed. He ran his hand over the scars again. It was true Fi was fine now, almost the same as she had been before. But the accident had changed their lives. The tour had been postponed while Fi went through months of rehab to get the movement back in her legs. And she had achieved it. But still, things had changed. 


	2. Carey

**Part 2: Carey **

It was nighttime already, all of them having long since gotten back from the lake. They were all just relaxing in their hotel rooms, mostly watching TV. Except for Carey. He was feeling restless, and nothing could get rid of that particular feeling. He felt trapped, not only in their hotel room, but also in his mind. The memories kept haunting him and tonight they were doing a particularly good job. 

He needed to get out, get away from the confines of his room, and with that, he did. He grabbed his jacket and his guitar, and headed out towards the lake. It wasn't very far from the hotel and it was just what Carey needed to get his mind off everything. He walked for about 15 minutes before he found the lake. When he did, all he could do was stand there in awe. It was even more beautiful at night. The sky was dotted with millions of stars. The full moon shone brightly and reflected on the surface of the lake, giving the world a silvery glow. 

He sat down after a few minutes, and took out his guitar, strumming it lightly. He played just to forget the day's events, using music not only as an escape but also as a weapon against the haunting memories that were trying to bring him down. He disconnected from the real world and just poured his entire soul into the music. His idle strumming soon became a song, soft and somewhat haunting. 

"That's beautiful Carey," a familiar voice said softly. "Is it new?" Her voice startled Carey out of his own world and into reality, making him stop playing. 

"I didn't know anyone was listening," Carey stated, "But thanks Fi." He set down the guitar and patted the spot next to him, motioning for her to sit down. She sat down and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She rested her head on his chest and they sat in silence for a while, neither wanting to disturb the moment, because things just felt… right. 

"Carey?" Fi asked, but got no answer. "Carey?" 

"Hmm," he answered. 

"Is something wrong? You seem distant," she looked up into his eyes, and Carey saw the amount of concern she felt. 

"Well… it's what were talking about this afternoon. You know… the accident," he answered somewhat hesitantly, turning his gaze away from her, his head dropping in shame. "The memories still haunt me. I still feel guilty for what happened to you. You almost died, and it was mostly my fault." 

"Carey… don't think those things. Everything worked out, and I'm fine now," Fi cupped his chin in her hand, making him lift his gaze. "None of what happened was your fault. You didn't cause it and you couldn't have stopped it." 

"I guess… but I still feel guilty," he said, once again dropping his gaze from hers. "So many things happened since the accident, so much of our lives changed… not all of it for the better." 

She turned herself to face him and gently grasped his forearms. "Carey, things change, no matter what causes those changes. And maybe it was supposed to happen. So try not to feel any more guilt over this." She ran her fingertips over his forearms, stopping at the inside of his wrists. There she traced her fingers over the cross formed by the two scars on each of his wrists. They were now so thin that they could only be detected by the touch of a lover's hands, by somebody who knew they were there. Those scars had been a result of the accident, and they had had as much impact on all their lives as the actual accident had. Both Carey and Fi thought back to that time, to what had caused the scars, the memories enveloping reality once more. 

~~~[Flashback begins]~~~ 

A week. It had been a week since the accident, since Fi slipped into a coma. She should've woken up by now. The doctors had said she'd wake up anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days after the accident. But it had been a week and still nothing. *So doctors aren't always right* Carey thought as he sat by Fi's bed *But why did they have to choose now to be wrong?* 

He took her hand and stroked it softly *It's all my fault. I never should have blown up at her like that*. He just sat there by her side, hoping against hope that she'd miraculously wake up. She had to wake up. The doctors had said that if she didn't wake up within a week, there was a strong chance she'd never wake up at all. Or if she did, she wouldn't be the same. Which is why she had to wake up today. *She has to wake up. I can't live without her.* Carey started crying softly, holding Fi's hand even tighter in his own. 

He stayed until a nurse shooed him out because visiting hours were over. He wanted to stay longer. Maybe she'd wake up if he were still there. But he knew that was a naïve thought, that it would never happened. He slowly walked towards the hotel they were staying at, thinking he didn't really want to be there. He didn't want to be around people who blamed him for what happened to Fi. Well, not everybody blamed him, but Jack and Clu did, they refused to even talk to him. *My own brother thinks I did all of this on purpose, that I did it to cause him further pain.* Carey had enough guilt without having more thrown on him. 

So he wandered over to the bus instead, where he could at least be alone with his thoughts. He went straight to his room, stopping by Fi's empty room for a moment. He then entered his room searching for his guitar. He found it and just strummed it aimlessly for a while. 

Then he felt something…. It was hard to explain exactly what it was… maybe a premonition, maybe just his own imagination… but he suddenly felt empty, as if a part of him had been removed, leaving a hole. But he didn't know what it was… until a stroke of realization hit him like a brick wall. It was Fi. She'd died. He'd always been able to feel her as a part of him, maybe he was a bit empathic, but now… he didn't feel her anymore. She was gone.

_I confess, it's all true _

_I'm a mess, what a fool _

_Now what do I do _

"Oh no. Fi's… Fi's…dead. I can't believe it. It's my fault. If only I hadn't started that argument in the car, if I'd just played along, everything would've been ok. But I did, and now I've destroyed the thing that meant most to me… the person whom I loved the most. I killed her. I killed my Fi. And there's nothing I can do to change that." He whispered softly to himself before breaking down. He curled up into a ball as he cried, his sobs pounding so hard against his ribs, hurting his already injured chest. His heart felt as if it had been torn out of his body, cut into tiny pieces, and then stomped on by a mob of people. 

_I need your help to get up from my knees _

_I can't seem to see the forest for the trees _

_As I wait in my silent misery _

_All I'm asking is please…. _

_Forgive me _

"I can't believe I did this. I finally succeeded in destroying everything and everybody that mattered to me. I can't go through life like this… without her. I can't live with the guilt. I can't live with losing not only my best friend, but my baby brother and Jack too. They'll never forgive me… any of them. Same as I will never forgive myself." Carey slowly uncurled and stretched out, suddenly on a frenzied search for something. 

_Now she knows me _

_Now she knows me _

_But she wants me to be… someone I can't be _

"Now they all know what I really am. Just an ungrateful loser who is so wrapped on in his own problems, he totally ignores his girlfriend and then succeeds in driving her to her death. I tried to play along with her needs; I tried to be what she needed in a friend and in a boyfriend. But I just didn't cut it. I needed time to be alone sometimes, just to forget everything else even existed, including Fi. She tried to understand that, but in the end, I guess it was too hard on her. Fi deserved somebody who would always have time for her, and sometimes I couldn't give her that. That was what brought about that fight in the car. If only I'd admitted that I was sick, maybe things would be ok." He kept talking to himself as he searched, not really aware he was doing it. 

_And she wants me… she needs me _

_She wants me _

_Cause she loves me _

"She did love me anyway, but I don't think I'm what she wanted. She broke up with Clu because of me, because she did love me, but love fades sometimes, right? Any love she had for me is probably gone now, after that fight and the accident. She got out of the car because of me, and then I couldn't get her out of danger in time. I let the car hit her and now she's dead. And she took my heart with her." After rooting around all of his stuff and Clu's, Carey found what he was looking for: his pocket-knife. It was old, but it would work just fine for what he needed to do. 

_I need your help to get up from my knees _

_I can't seem to see the forest for the trees _

_As I wait in my silent misery _

_All I'm asking is please…. _

_Forgive me _

"I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it's the only way out isn't it? Maybe I shouldn't do this, but there's nothing else I can do. I've screwed everything up, including myself." He dropped the knife on the bed, now unsure about what he planned to do with it. 

_SHATTERED _

_Now you see inside, cause I no longer hide _

_Or fall between the cracks you left behind _

"There's nothing left for me here. My brother has hardly talked to me in about 2 months, and when he does, he sounds bitter. He's still mad at me for going out with Fi, for **stealing** her from him. But I didn't steal her from him, I wouldn't do that. I love him too much to ever hurt him so eminently. " 

_Shattered _

_Now you're out of time _

_You've come this far to be denied _

"Jack, he's never liked my relationship with Fi, and now he thinks her accident is my fault, that I caused it on purpose. And Molly and my parents, they'll eventually have to find someone to blame won't they? After they realize Fi's gone, they'll blame me. And it's true, they can. Because it's my fault." 

_I need your help to get up from my knees _

_I can't seem to see the forest for the trees _

_As I wait here in my silent misery _

_All I'm asking is please…. _

_Forgive me _

He picked up the knife again, holding it lightly in his hands, just looking at it. "If I do this, will any of them even care? Maybe they'll be glad to get rid of me. I haven't done anything good in weeks, why would they care if I lived or died? I took another human life, though indirectly. And now it's only logical that I go with her, right?" 

_What a shame, I'm to blame _

_What a shame… knowing I'm' to blame _

"I have to do this. I have to end my own life, maybe then I'll feel better, like things are even. And I'll be with Fi, and be able to apologize to her, tell her I love her. I have to do this…" He opened one of the knife blades, the largest one. 

_I need your help to get up from my knees _

_I can't seem to see the forest for the trees _

_As I wait here in my silent misery _

_All I'm asking is please…. _

_Forgive me _

"Well guys, I hope you can forgive me. Forgive me for everything I've done to hurt you, to make your lives even harder. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way, especially now. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I guess I just made one mistake after another and I couldn't stop the pileup. Clu, I never meant to hurt you, to take Fi away from you. I just loved her so much; I let myself get carried away. And now… now we've all lost her, because of me. And most of all, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. If any of you even care or if this causes you pain, I'm sorry. Once suicide enters your mind, it never goes away. Especially if you have a reason to do it. But this is the only way I can end my pain and everybody else's. I'm truly sorry." He knew nobody could hear him, that they had no idea he was apologizing. But still, It made him feel better, even if he was only saying those things to himself. 

Carey took one last look at the knife before dragging it across his left wrist. Then he sliced another line, making a cross shape on his wrist. Once he was done, a searing pain sprouted from his wrists and spread over his whole arm like wildfire. It was like something was burning his wrist, it just hurt so much. But he did the other wrist too, already too lost in his goal to stop, not even for the pain. 

_I need your help to get up from my knees _

_I can't seem to see the forest for the trees _

_As I wait in my silent misery _

_All I'm asking is please…._

Carey slumped back against the edge of the bed, exhausted and already vaguely dizzy. "Soon it'll all be over… soon I'll be with her." 

Clu chose that moment to enter the room. He'd been looking for Carey and guessed he might be on the bus. When he heard music coming from the room he was sure. The song that was playing was like an omen, but he didn't pay attention to it. Even when the song switched from "What a Mess" to "Adam's Song", he still didn't realize it was a sign. 

He had to tell Carey that Fi had almost died, but the doctors had brought her back, and she was finally awake. And maybe he felt like apologizing to Carey, there was no reason to be angry with him anymore. But none of those thoughts were in his head anymore. They vanished the moment he saw his brother slumped against the bed, blood running down his hands and onto the floor. But the scariest thing wasn't the blood running down his brother's arms, it was Carey's eyes. They were empty, hollow, not a trace of feeling in them. It was terrifying. Carey was never so…detached, so emotionless….so depressed. 

"Carey!" he rushed to Carey's side, checking to see if he was still alive. "Oh God, what did you do?" *This can't be happening, not now. He can't die! I love him too much. I can't lose my older brother!* 

"Something I should have done before" Carey mumbled. *At least he's still alive.* Clu thought as he checked the cuts. 

"Don't say that! Why'd you do it bro?" Clu kept talking while he found something to bandage Carey's wrists. Then he pulled Carey up. 

"Fi… knife… sorry" Carey's voice was barely above a whisper now. 

"Shh… don't talk… everything's gonna be ok." He half dragged, half walked Carey to the car (A/N: another car, not the one from the first night), having long since decided it would be quicker to drive to the hospital than wait for an ambulance. He drove as fast as he could, all the while hoping Carey would just hold on a little longer. *I can't believe he'd do this. It's not like him* 

A few minutes later, they were at the hospital. Clu left Carey in the car for a second while he ran into the ER, looking for help. He ran up to the nearest nurse and said "You've gotta help me… my brother's outside, he's… hurt… really hurt!". Clu then ran out again, followed by a couple of orderlies with a stretcher that the nurse had called. The orderlies lifted Carey onto the stretcher and hurried him inside. They'd seen the bandages and guessed what had happened. 

"What happened?" the doctor who was examining Carey asked Clu. 

"He cut his wrists open. He tried to commit suicide." Clu said, the reality of the situation setting in. "Is he gonna be ok?" 

"He should be fine. He's lost a lot of blood, but we'll probably be able to stitch the cuts, provided he hasn't done too much damage. Now go and wait outside." The doctor shooed Clu out the examining room. Clu rapidly made some phone calls, telling everyone who wasn't already at the hospital to come quickly. 

He then went upstairs to the ICU to see Fi, hoping to find at least Molly there. He found both Molly and Jack there, talking to Fi. 

"Hey Clu" Fi greeted him brightly, her voice slightly weak. Then she noticed the distressed look on his face. "What's wrong?" 

"Umm… it's Carey. He's downstairs…" He answered briefly. 

"Why didn't he come up?" Molly inquired, confused. "Is something wrong?" 

"Actually, yeah. Carey… well, he tried to… to… to kill himself." Clu got it out, his gaze fixed on his feet the whole time. 

"He what!?" The shock in Fi's voice was distinguishable, as were the stricken looks on all their faces. "Why? Is he ok? What's gonna happen? This can't be happening…" Fi rambled on, too worried to think about what she was saying. 

"The doctor said there's a pretty strong chance Carey will make it." Clu answered. "I'm gonna go back downstairs, just in case my parents get here… or something happens." He walked out of the room, followed by a still silent Molly and Jack. 

Fi was left alone in her room. "But I wanna see him too!" she said as loudly as she could, but nobody heard. She let the tears that had been welling up in her eyes flow freely down her face. *Why would he do this? WHY?* 

[2 hours later, ER Waiting room] 

Clu, Jack, Molly, Ned, Irene, and Annie all sat around the waiting room, once again in pairs, for the second time that week. Then the doctor walked toward them. It was the same doctor that had seen to Fi. 

"Are you Carey Bell's family?" the doctor asked. Irene and Ned stood up quickly and nodded. 

"How is he?" Irene asked worriedly. 

"He's fine. We almost lost him for a second, but everything turned out well. We stitched the cuts. He did quite a number on himself, lost a lot of blood. He'll be ok in a little while, though he will have to see a psychiatrist." 

"Thank God! Can we go see him?" Irene's voice sounded so much more relieved. 

"Yes, he's in room 409" the doctor said as he walked away. 

They all trooped up to Carey's room, where they found him half asleep. 

"Hey guys" he said weakly, his voice barely above a whisper. They all rushed to him, wrapping him in hugs. Everyone that is, except Clu, who was hanging back, scared to go into the room. He didn't want to see Carey so weak, and he especially wanted to avoid his gaze, fearful that it might be the same emotionless one as before. 

"Son, are you ok? We were so worried!" Ned told him. 

"Yeah, I'm tired, but ok." Carey answered his father, trying to suppress a yawn. 

"We should leave you be son. We're going to see Fi and tell her the news. You just get some rest and we'll be back tomorrow." Ned continued, gathering up the others and starting to leave the room. 

"Fi? She's alive? I want to see her", Carey mumbled. 

"Yes, alive and awake. But get some rest and you can see her tomorrow." Irene's voice was soft, as if talking to a child. They exited the room, leaving Carey alone to his thoughts. A few minutes later he fell asleep, totally exhausted. 

~~~[Flashback Ends]~~~ 

The memory slowly faded away. Fi still found it terrifying that Carey, her Carey, had even attempted suicide. He wasn't the type of person to escape sorrow by trying to end his life. He was the type of person who loved life and everything it stood for, who always lived to the fullest, and totally enjoyed the rush it brought. Therefore Fi still didn't understand why he's tried to end that life he loved so much. He'd never told her why, always saying it hurt too much to recall, that it was something he'd rather not talk or even think about. She understood that, but nonetheless she wanted an explanation. 

"Carey, why'd you do it?" she finally got the courage to ask. She was still rubbing his wrists. 

"Um… I'd rather not…" he took one look at her pleading eyes and gave in. "Well, I… I thought you'd died. About an hour before you came out of you coma, I felt you die, and I couldn't live with the guilt, the shame, and the pain of losing the person I cared about the most. Plus I thought everybody would hate me, would despise me, and exile me once you were gone, because they were all acting like it was my fault. I knew I couldn't live without my family, without the people I loved, so I decided not to live at all." He finished, and once again averted his gaze. 

"Oh Carey…" she threw her arms around him in a tight embrace, letting her tears flow. He held her tightly until she'd calmed down. She finally knew the motivation behind his actions, and suddenly felt a stab of the guilt he must have been feeling. "I'm so sorry… for being the reason behind what you did." 

"It's not your fault at all Fi. Let's just forget all those things. Leave everything that happened as part of the past. Try to forget the pain…" he trailed off as she nodded. Yeah, things had changed, but change was a part of growing up, and something that was always happening and always necessary. Because change is good, even if it hurts as first. There they remained in each other's arms, just gazing at the stars and enjoying each other's company, glad they were even still together after everything that had happened. 


End file.
